


One Word

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 11:18:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

One word.

One word had changed your life.

Pregnant.

Spencer had no idea why you were breaking down when he walked in the door that day. When you held the test out in front of him, he understood, tears welling up in his eyes and spilling over onto the floor, mixing with your own. It was what you’d always wanted - a baby. Your baby. The dream had finally been realized.

The next week you’d been ecstatic to learn that you were 6 weeks along. In less than eight months you’d have the baby you’d always wanted. Whether it was a boy or a girl, you didn’t care - a happy baby was your only requirement.

And then this.

All he wanted to do was take care of the ones he loved. In this case, that meant you, this new baby, and his mom - the woman he’d always taken care of. Mexico was the only place he could go for this supplement that was keeping her relatively stable.

Something had happened this past time he’d gone to Mexico. He’d been twice before. But this time, something happened. Not something - someone. Scratch. He’d drugged your husband. Someone had died. And Spencer was being blamed. 

You kept telling the authorities in Mexico and anyone else that would listen that Spencer didn’t have a mean bone in his body and there’s no way that he would ever kill anyone in cold blood. Scratch had been coming after the team, and Spencer couldn’t remember anything. That was Scratch’s MO. He had taken your husband away. The only thing that had been keeping you tethered to the world was this baby. Knowing that you had a little piece of Spencer growing inside you kept your spirits up. You wanted to keep yourself healthy so that this baby would be healthy. But it was so hard. So very, very hard. And now JJ was here. Normally, if she was coming to visit just because, she’d call first, but she hadn’t - and a hole began to burrow its way through your heart.

“Hey, JJ,” you said despondently, opening the door in slow motion. “What’s up?”

As she walked into the apartment, she said nothing, her tight features betraying why she was here. “What’s wrong, JJ?” you asked again. “What happened to Spencer? Is he okay?”

She hesitated, taking a deep breath before opening her mouth. “Spencer was attacked at the prison last night. I just got word.”

“What?” you breathed, feeling a tightness in your chest you’d never fell before. “Is he okay?”

“He’s badly bruised,” she said honestly. “He’ll be okay.”

“He’s only been in there for a couple of weeks. He’s supposed to stay there for three months until trial. JJ,” you spoke. “He’s not gonna make it until trial, is he?”

She wanted to outright say yes, and she had tried, but the words came out choked. She was just as worried as you were. An excruciating pain shot through your body and you collapsed, hitting the floor with a thud. Off in the distance, you heard JJ call your name, and the last thing you remember seeing were her eyes staring back at you.

—–

Just as that one word had changed your life, another word had changed it again. 

Miscarriage.

“What?” you asked, sitting in the hospital and touching your stomach. JJ had come to tell you that Spencer had been beaten in prison; he was alive, but hurt - and you’d collapsed in excruciating pain. And now the doctor was saying these words that sounded foreign to your ears. They couldn’t possible be real. They were being said to someone else - on a television maybe, but they weren’t being said to you…right? “What did you say?”

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Reid,” she said, placing her hand on yours. “But you’ve suffered a miscarriage. I’ll give you a couple of moments.”

As she left the room, you glanced down at your stomach. It didn’t look any different; she was lying to you. The baby was still there. It had to be. You hadn’t even had the chance to hear it’s heartbeat yet. She was lying. She’s lying.

JJ walked into the room - tears filling her eyes. 

“JJ, she’s lying,” you said matter-of-factly, watching as a tear dropped down her cheek and onto your skin. “Why would she lie to me like that? Why would she do that?” You inhaled hard, patting at your stomach with both hands. “JJ!”

Pitching forward, you screamed into JJ’s chest, clutching at your stomach and realizing your anchor to the world was gone. “No!” you screamed. “No!” A violent string of cries wrenched themselves from your body. Your throat went raw from screaming, but your eyes would never go dry from tears. “JJ, tell me my baby isn’t gone! Tell me Spencer’s baby isn’t gone! Please…”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, cradling your head in her chest as you continued to sob. “I know exactly how you feel…I’m just so sorry.”

“No…” you sobbed. “It can’t be. This can’t be happening.” For nearly an hour, you rocked back and forth against her chest, feeling your body get progressively more numb. This was a pain you’d never experienced and wouldn’t wish on the worst of your enemies. No one in the world deserved this feeling. It was indescribable. A mix of despair and numbness, maybe? No…nothing could accurately state how you felt.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“You live,” she muttered. “You go on no matter how hard it is. Because that’s all you can do.”

“No,” you said, shaking your head and staring off into the distance. “I mean…this baby was the only thing keeping Spencer sane. I lost his baby. This is going to kill him.” The tears started to well up again as you contemplated his future, as well as your own. Losing this child was going to kill him, or worse, it would make him okay with being killed. “How do I tell him that our baby is gone?”


	2. An Anchor Lost at Sea

An anchor lost at sea.

It was the only thing you could think of to accurately describe how you felt anymore. Sunk, stuck in place, with no hope of movement, and nothing around you but the all-consuming feelings of loss and misery. 

An anchor lost at sea.

After being discharged from the hospital, JJ had escorted you home. She stayed for a few minutes, but all you could do was stare wide-eyed off into the distance, not truly focusing on anything. And that’s how you’d been for the last week, only moving from your position to use the restroom, and eat and drink whatever you needed to keep your body moving - although that was more involuntary than anything else. You weren’t sure if you wanted to keep on living.

You were an anchor lost at sea.

—-

Another two days went by before you were able to move, and that was only because JJ, Emily and Rossi had been to visit Spencer since he was attacked and he kept asking for you - asking about the baby. All three had avoided telling him themselves, dodging the questions, but you had to tell him. 

Like an anchor lost at sea, you moved slowly around your apartment, being dragged by autopilot; if left to your own devices, you would’ve stood in the center of the apartment until you collapsed into a puddle on the floor. 

The drive to the prison went by in time loop - somehow instantaneously and intensely sluggishly. Did you speak to anyone? You must’ve in order to gain entry into the prison, but nothing had registered, until that moment you saw Spencer walking toward you.

He smiled at you - he smiled. Because he didn’t know. Of course he didn’t, but how were you supposed to tell him…when he smiled. “Hi, love,” he said, desperately trying to keep himself from reaching over to touch your hand and getting yelled at by the guards. “How’re you feeling?”

Your breath caught as the words hardened like cement in your mouth. They were sitting there, like an anchor lost at sea, but nothing was moving them, and they began to hurt your throat. After a week and two days feeling nothing, the tears rose to your eyes again. “What’s wrong?” he whispered. “Baby…what’s wrong?”

“I…I lost our b-b-baby,” you cracked, inhaling hard as the realization came flooding back to you. “I lost the baby…I lost the baby…I lost the baby…I…” 

Through a veil of tears, you looked up to see Spencer’s lip quivering. Against his better judgement, he reached his hand across the expanse to comfort you. “No touching!” the guard yelled from across the room. 

“What happened?” he cracked. “How…?” As the tears blinked from your eyes, you could finally see his. The light had been there before when he first saw you, had vanished like a puff of smoke. While before he’d looked as though your visage made him strong, now, the same thing caused him to collapse in on himself, scratching at his chest like he was searching for a heart that had never been there at all.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you once again attempted to speak, but the words were barely audible. “After JJ came to tell you’d been attacked, I collapsed. I woke up in the hospital a couple hours later and…”

“I’m so sorry…it’s all my fault.” Spencer’s hands came up to cover his mouth, attempting and failing to stifle the cries wrenching through him. “It’s all my fault.”

With a gentle smack to the table in front of you, you grabbed his attention. “It was not your fault,” you breathed. “I should’ve been stronger…I should’ve-” Your hands flailed around you, trying to figure out what you could’ve done to save your baby.

“It wasn’t your fault either,” he said, his eyes full of rage. “It was him…Scratch…if I ever get out of here, I swear I’ll kill him for doing this to us. I swear on my life, Y/N. I won’t let our baby die in vain.”

“If?” you breathed. 

“W-When…” he replied. “When I get out.” That was the first time he’d said if. You were right, his anchor to the world was gone. He’d lost hope. “When I get out, I’m going to make him pay.” 

His words sounded confident and convincing, but his countenance betrayed him. He’d lost hope that he’d make it out, or make it out alive. “Listen to me,” he said as time was being called. He had to go. “Listen. Stay strong, okay. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” When he turned from you to walk back, you noticed the difference in his gait. On his way out, there had been life in his steps, but now, his feet barely lifted off the ground. Should you have kept the information to yourself? Made up another excuse as to why you lost the baby? 

Since that day, you’d been the only anchor, with him as your ship - the thing you looked toward to lift you out of the water. Now? Now he’d been brought down with you, another anchor lost at sea.


End file.
